Being in Love

Att vara kär - engelska

Being in love is usually a wonderful feeling. Some people have been in love many times; others have never been in love.

Två personer kysser varandra. Illustration.

Being in love feels different for everyone. Only you can say what love is for you.

There are a huge number of films, song lyrics, books and diaries about love. People want to talk about the experience of love, as they see it.

It can be felt in different ways

Being in love can feel differently, at different times. When you´ve been in love for a while, it usually feels different from how it felt in the beginning.

It can feel exciting and tingly. You might feel full of energy, brave, happy or calm. You might fantasise a lot about the person you’re in love with. You might find it hard to think about anything else. Sometimes, being in love can make you feel nervous, unhappy or jealous. Some people find it difficult to eat or sleep when they’re in love.

It usually feels good to be close to the person you’re in love with. It can then feel like your heart is beating extra hard and extra fast. You might feel nervous, happy, shy or aroused.

Love might surprise you

You might fall in love with a person you know, or perhaps with someone you don’t know. The feeling can be really strong, even if you never meet that person or end up together. You might be in love with several people at the same time.

Love might surprise you, for example if you fall in love with someone who’s a different gender to those you have fallen in love with previously. Or if you suddenly fall in love with a friend. You might fall in love with someone you never imagined you would fall in love with.

It’s hard to know what makes us fall in love. It might be the person’s way of being, or something to do with the person’s appearance, voice or smell.

How can I show that I’m attracted to someone?

Here are a few suggestions. Choose one that suits you. Don’t do anything that feels strange or wrong to you.

  • Tell the person that you like them. You can say it in person, or in a message.
  • If you usually meet up, make sure that you spend lots of time around the person. If your eyes meet, hold their gaze a little longer than usual. Smile if you like.
  • Say something nice. It can be enough to say “nice to see you”, “I like your jumper” or something like that. Most people like receiving compliments. It could be the beginning of a longer conversation.
  • Ask them if they want to do something - either with just the two of you, or with some friends. You can then get to know the person better, and have an opportunity to show them how you feel.
  • If you usually spend time together, show the person that you care about them. Ask if you can give them a hug, buy them a coffee or offer to help them with something. Do what feels right for you.
  • Get your friends to help. Maybe someone else can tell the person that you like them. 

Most people are happy when they find out that someone likes them. There’s a better chance of finding out what the other person thinks about you, if you dare to show your own feelings.

How do I know if someone is attracted to me?

Some people make it clear when they like someone. Other people keep it to themselves. Here are some signs that someone likes you:

  • The person looks at you a lot.
  • The person is often around you, is nice to you and tries to be your friend.
  • The person tries to make you laugh.
  • The person seems more shy or nervous with you, than with other people.
  • They try to be tough or cool in front of you.
  • They make a real effort to look good when they’re meeting up with you.

If you want to know whether someone likes you, it’s perfectly OK to ask them. You can ask the person directly, or you can ask one of their friends. Asking can feel scary, but it’s good to find out.

Being heartbroken

It is of course hard, if the person you are in love with, isn’t attracted to you. Sometimes love hurts, as many people have experienced.

You can’t control other people’s feelings and get someone to fall for you. Just because a person isn’t attracted to you, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. That’s just the way it is sometimes.

It’s OK to be sad. Be kind to yourself. Do things you enjoy. Try to avoid things that remind you of the person you like, such as certain music or photos.

Tell a friend how you feel, or an adult that you trust. It can feel good to talk. Many people also find it helpful to write about how they feel. The worst feelings usually go away after a while.

Talk to the school counsellor or someone at a Youth Guidance Centre, if you’re feeling really unhappy or down

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