I need to have my virginity restored, what should I do?

Question

I’m afraid that I won’t bleed when I have sex with my husband for the first time. My family or someone my family knows might check for blood. I don’t know what to do. My friend told me that I can have an operation to get my virginity back, how do I do that?

Answer

You are not alone. Your question is quite common. For the answer to your question to make sense, you need to know a few things about the vagina.

Facts about the vagina and how it works

The vagina has an opening that is present from birth. This means that there is no membrane covering or blocking the opening of the vagina. The tissue that is sometimes called a “hymen” is a myth – it doesn’t exist.

 

The vaginal opening looks different for everyone. It doesn’t change from having sex. No one can tell if you’ve had sex by looking at your body. Not even a doctor or midwife (a nurse specially trained in the female reproductive system).

The vagina is elastic. That’s why most people don’t bleed the first time they have sex. If you bleed, it may be because you are nervous or not aroused enough. You can also bleed even if you have had sex before.

What is hymenoplasty?

Hymenoplasty (hymen repair) means an operation where a doctor sews a few stitches at the edge of the vaginal opening so that it will bleed during sex. But you need to know the following:

• It’s still not certain that you will bleed.
• The operation costs a lot of money.
• All operations involve risks.

What can you do?

I don’t think you should have an operation. I think you should talk to someone who can help you. Here are some examples of people you can talk to:

• A midwife or counsellor at the Youth Guidance Centre.
• The school nurse or school counsellor, if you go to school.
• An adult you trust, like a teacher, sports coach or a friend’s parent.

Do you need more help?
There are also places where young people who are worried about honour-related violence and control can get support. You can call or chat with them without giving your name. You can find support here: Seek support and help.

Are you in danger?
If you feel threatened or afraid, you should contact Social Services or the police . They can help you directly.