My family says I have to be a virgin when I get married. They say there has to be blood on the bed after I've had sex for the first time. I'm scared there won't be any blood. I've heard that you can get a hymen (“maidenhead”) sewn into place. Does this work?
Most girls don’t bleed the first time they have sex. If they do bleed, it's because they were not sexually excited enough to make their vagina as wet as it needed to be.
There’s no membrane covering the entrance of the vagina like a piece of plastic wrap. If a covering like this did exist, the blood would not be able to leave your vagina when you have your period. The idea that there is a “maidenhead” is a myth. Because there is nothing that naturally blocks the entrance, it is not possible to sew anything back into place. That’s why the operations that some people have gone through haven’t worked.
You might also like to know that no one can look at you and tell whether you’ve had sex – not even a doctor or midwife (a nurse specially trained in the female reproductive system) can examine you and say whether you’ve had sex. This is because your vagina continues to look and act just like it did before you had sex.
If possible, try to talk to your family about this. It might help to show them the texts and images of the vagina and its different parts that are available here at Youmo.se. Contact a youth guidance centre (ungdomsmottagning), Social Services or the police if you feel scared or threatened in any way.